I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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