I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
