direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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