My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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