do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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