Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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