everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
