yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
