This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
