my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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