I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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