I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
