Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
