I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
