I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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