I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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