I faked an abortion last night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up under a house in Key West
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