best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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