I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
