I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
