and next time when you feel me up, do it right
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think my moral compass just broke
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
