So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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