Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
