He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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