He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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