a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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