Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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