i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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