He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
