is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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