nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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