Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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