I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
