so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
