you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
