I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
