What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
