So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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