i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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