Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Screwed.edu
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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