I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
