i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
