Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
