Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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