All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
