I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
