Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
