you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
