Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
