also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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