I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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