The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
