It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.