Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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