she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.