Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this boner is exhausting
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
