Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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