we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
