the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
