I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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