Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
