You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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