I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
