I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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