She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
