Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
