I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
