Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
