im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
