your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
