her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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