should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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