you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
