you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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