don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
