I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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