Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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