Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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